It’s a question I often wondered if I should answer whenever someone asked me about my writing. I first posted “Prism” on my blog about ten years ago because I wanted to share my ideas with others, but it contained such heavy subject matters that I worried what people would think of me. Because of that fear, I never really shared it with anyone. So why did I choose to post it on my website now? Because, even though “Prism” does not reflect who I am as a person anymore, it is true to the person I used to be.
I wrote “Prism” during the darkest period of my life. Before I came out, I was ruled by depression and a burning desire to show how bleak life could be. I wanted to be just like Hemingway, but we all know how his story ended.
Bringing My Story to Light
The idea for “Prism” had been in my head for so many years it’s hard to recall exactly when it first came to mind. As a kid, I remember reading the biblical story of the three men who were thrown in a furnace for refusing to bow to Nebuchadnezzar II. Because their belief in God was so strong, God protected them from burning. It was the most visceral portrayal of faith I had come across and it made me wonder why, if God saved people back then, did he not step in to save people now? My skepticism led me to conceive a character whose faith was her greatest strength and pit her against another who would see how far he could push her.
The first time I attempted to bring “Prism” to life was when I was studying in film school. It was always my goal to turn it into my senior project, but even as I was working on it I knew it would not be its final incarnation. I was too young to truly understand the material and could not properly execute the story. I was also constrained by my others studies and limited to a ten-minute runtime. That meant I had to make several changes to condense the story, like turning Ana and Jasmine into sisters.
Writing A to Z
Ana
Like most characters, the inspiration for Ana came from many different sources. In high school, I had a friend who was incredibly intelligent and committed to her faith. Even though she was a teenager, she was not allowed to leave the house because her family was so strict. I recall being intrigued by the idea to create a character who was very book smart, but so sheltered that her innocence hindered her ability to navigate her own neighborhood.
Before I slowly whittled my independence from my own home, my situation was very similar to my friend’s. I gained more freedom in college and had the opportunity to make new friends from different backgrounds. I learned that my first impressions of people were not always accurate and, if somebody presented themselves in an unapproachable manner, there was still kindness inside them.
Zaid
Sometimes, I’ll hear a name and it’ll breathe life into a character that had been forming in the back of my mind. Once, I was listening to the radio in Chicago and a guest called into Q101. He called himself Zaid and I knew instantly that was the name for the antagonist in “Prism”. I can’t say there was one direct inspiration for Zaid, but I met many people who enjoyed manipulating others. When Zaid meets Ana, he is fascinated by her purity and wants nothing more than to corrupt her. Despite that, Ana sees a glimmer of hope in him and, ultimately, that’s what leads to tragedy for the both of them.
Clearing Everything Up
So if my life is so different than before, then why do I still allow people to read “Prism”? Because I am proud of it. It’s easy to write something to try and please a lot of people, but it takes courage to provoke something deeper within them. When I first completed “Prism”, I recall discussing it with one of my friends and she told me she actually had a nightmare about Zaid. Although I felt awful that something I wrote caused someone such discomfort, there was some solace knowing it sparked a powerful reaction from someone.
My biggest hope is that someone approaches me to adapt “Prism” to the big screen one day. Admittedly, I was burnt out by the end of college, so my heart was not fully in my senior project. There were a lot of long hours that went into my short film and I am forever grateful to everyone who gave their all and put their faith in me. I only wish I had been able to do everyone’s hard work justice. Nevertheless, getting to see my characters portrayed on film was a dream come true and I hope that chance comes again.
So what was the point of writing this blog post? I know I shouldn’t apologize for my writing, but I don’t want to give people the wrong impression about myself. The people closest to me know that my life is a million times better and that’s reflected in my more recent writing, but the internet does not allow me the luxury of insight. First impressions are everything and I still go back and forth on whether or not I should place “Prism” at the forefront of my eventual short story collection or hide it somewhere in the middle. But “Prism” has meant so much to me and still shapes the way I approach storytelling. Who am I to turn my back on it?
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